building

we work so hard for some undefined goal
and don't even see it pass us by
we like to think that we hold the power to dictate and define time's each hour

we don't know why we endure this endless pursuit
anxious searching for nothing real
real-as in the sense that time posesses it
and we understand what it is we fear

we proudly wear this mask of courage
we convince ourselves that we are brave
we lean on our foundations to support our childish mistakes
and then pretend to rebel against that which we saved

i am not a child, i know a little of how the world works
and i don't like the idea of belonging to anyone
and i don't want to be just another insolent curious face
gazing out onto a sea of people with just the same countenance

we spend eighteen years defining ourselves
in the environment to which we are born
we calculate exactaly what we *must become
and exactaly what emotions are *proper to show

we are like tiny children at the beach
who build a castle out of sand
and we spend these years shaping our
dreams, with delicate hands, then
weep silently as the tide comes in

we remember each wave as it dissolves the hours
yet we never fail to rebuild as though *this time
nature would allow *this castle to escape unsoured

as i stand poised at the brink of opportunity
the next wave- a beacon on the horizon
i fear to gaze too long at the endless sea
for fear my castle be washed away

but, isn't the crime also to take shelter
in the youthful menagerie that once stood so strong and resolute?
as we grow older and taller and wiser
what was once magnificent now is gradually reduced

this masquerade is real to a child
but a child not am i-
to seek shelter in my tiny sand castle
would be to passively await the murderous tide

swimming with sharks

i am balanced on a tiny ship
and i'msailing in a sea of words in undertowe
that jump back and sting and
the biting wind will this tiny raft overthrow

and i swam out there
and i knew of my little fear
but i let you swim near
and now i can't swim on my own

and i've become just like every other little raft
drifting in a sea of hope
or maybe- it's all in my head- and the sky's a
mirror- and you're some big cloud of smoke

i can't see beyond my fingertips
you were closer than before, so you were clear
but now all i can distinguish is your blurry figure
refracted, someplace distant from here

and i know i must have called you at least a hundred times
or at least written the words in my head
and i look down at my closed hands and realize
i have your phone here with me
so i've just been calling myself
-i've been talking to myself-

what if i see a tiny rupture in this raft
and then i feel the earth sink beneath my feet
but of course, it's really water that is holding me up
you were the sand beneath my feet

and as i sink into my sorrow
i halfway laugh and pretend the phone will ring
cause if i'm gonna go down, i'd rather at least be smiling
-i pick up my head and sing-

i haven't eaten since the last day i talked to you
i haven't really done anything at all
i opened the window and stared up at the stars
and i thought how i really don't know anything
and i began to question the meaning of everything that has meaning
everything i've lost
everything that is really there
just temporarily concealed by the mirror of my fears
encouraged by pity and tears
i sigh, and continue with my years

plastic

turning tables, reading graffitied letters on the street corner
i can feel the rhythm of the city as is beats-
it flows through my feet and i cant tear my
eyes away from the man with the hat with just a quarter in it and a smile
withering on his face-
is he in the right place-
or are we so narrow minded
we have to judge others' ways
are we so terrified that
we lock people in our minds
putting them into an underserving place

i see it broadcast on the billboards-
we are a society too dumb to read-
and so we immerse our minds in blank stares from blank thoughts on blank screens
and we think with foolish pride that our culture has survived
and we think the future lies solely in our new technological devices
we forget that we dont grow without trying to exceed the boundaries
we have learned only to know what is beneficial momentarily
and we've only tried to see what is shown to us on tv
and that is our society-

lets escape, elevate
lets tear down these walls weve built for safety's sake
lets escape
lets remake
this degenerate structure
in which we've intentionaly lowered the stakes
lets reach out
and not alienate
am i making any sense
or am i too tired to play this game?

and what if this is what im supposed to feel
and i thought that effort woudl make it real
and i've found- that we have such a warped system
that builds you up and then breaks you down
they want you to be smart
but not so smart that
you realize what youve found

we dont care that our structure is slowly withering away- and
we dont want to see that we hide our mistakes
behind a big plexiglass screen
it cant be broken
come on dont you see what we've done
dotn you understand what we've become

ive met a few really smart people
and i know many fools
and they all share the knowledge that
sometiesm you win, sometimes you loose
i dontknow whcih group i belong to-
what i don't get is how someone can tell me for sure that i am a fool-

forget the system and forget you
forget anyone who makes you feel stupid and used
forget the scale by which we measure eachother just to hide our own mistakes
this society needs to raises its own stakes

we measure eachother by what we're willing to pay
we listen to eachotehr for what we're willign to say
we are friends with the people that we know will get somewhere some day
we convince ourselves that we're either brilliant or insane
we narrow our view and say "nothing will ever change"

these are the people
that we let tell us that we are not
smart enough- (or not dumb enough) to play their game
how much will it take for us to
see through the plastic walls
that hide us from ourselves